Im done with this damn thing...

seriously its dumb.. theres no use for it anymore..

nobody cares to read what i write and i dont really care to write anymore either.. so i guess if any of you care to know whats goin on you can talk to me... hmm such a foreign idea..

whatever happened to phone calls and visits.. i can see how long that idea stayed around

Is it odd that i really like my job most of the time??

That i find its one of the only places where i have fun and laugh anymore?

The people i work with are the best..

God.. why does life suck so bad...

Just when i think im finally happy and doing well something has to happen..

for anyone who knows me pretty well they know that im not close to my dad by any means.. our relationship has slowly deteriorated since i was about 6 til now when i see him once a year.. on christmas... tonite my mom called my brother to get his address because saturdays his birthday and hes in louisiana so we are sending his stuff to his house.. i hear my mom get all serious and be like ok ill tell her.. so i was immediately like what  now.. well my brother is on a crew with my cousin charles and so charles tells my brother jason that my dad is doing really bad and that his liver is shutting down and that in order for him to have a chance to live he has to go get a liver transplant in Chicago... well my dad, who has no insurance and really no hope any more pretty much decided its not even worth it to go... and the worst thing about it.. nobody on my dads side of the family even made any attempt to tell me... ok i know that we dont talk often but im still his daughter.. id still like to know things like this.. but no they want to keep it on the down low.. i have a right to know.. no matter how much hes pissed me off by not calling or keeping in contact over the years hes still my dad and i still care.. Its so hard for me to deal with this because my mom talks about it so casually... i just kind of sat there when she told me and tried not to say anything or cry because she showed no emotion and i didnt want to either..my parents havent really had any contact in years and she thinks its a good thing that i dont see him often.. i thought so too.. now i know its not such a great thing.. ive always taken the time with him on christmas and birthdays and such for granted.. thinkin he'd always be there... always so proud of me and what i'd accomplished even tho he had nothing to do with me the other 360 days of the year.. he would always tell his friends how smart i was and everything and i never even cared.. i never went out of my way to see him when we lived 10 minutes away from each other.. i never made time to call him.. i didnt even talk to him on our birthdays or fathers day this year.. now im not even going home for christmas or thanksgiving so who knows if i will get to see him again..

Life sucks.. why me?

ok so whats been up? umm schools been goin pretty swell.. this week was homecoming week so monday i was a cowboy, tuesday all green, wed. a lumberjack, today a dead jamaican(3 shots to the forehead) and tomorrow is spirit day.. but i dont have much maroon stuff to wear... the gold i can do no problem but the maroon.. i dunno...

Tonite i went to Drake University (where im thinkin about applyin to) and listened to Dr. Jane Goodall speak (That would be the lady whos spent her life working with the chimpanzees) it was amazing!!! yes im a nerd.. i admit it.. but it was awesome

tomorrows the homecoming game... i have to sell programs for drama club but before the game were tailgating so that should be fun.. then saturdays the dance.. i have to work til 5 so i havent decided whether or not im going to go.. everyone keeps tellin me to go but im still undecided...

Well i guess thats all for now

Jamie Marie (wow that took 4 tries to get that right)

Update...? whats that?

I wanna go HOME...

-Me